Let me be the first to say this – Ke$ha’s “TiK ToK” is the song of the decade. Forget about the fact that the song was released in October of 2009. Forget about the fact that a new decade technically doesn’t even begin until 2011. Forget about the fact that Billboard success is not a reliable indicator of quality music. Done forgetting? Good. Now your mind will be open and ready to accept what teenyboppers across the world have already been trying to tell you – “TiK ToK” is f*cking legendary. Don’t believe me?
Before even hearing one beat of this excruciating(ly amazing) track, you can already tell it’s going to be epic. That’s right, the awesomeness precedes it. How, you ask? Just look at the title: “TiK ToK.” Unorthodox capitalization is always a sure sign of a winner, as it indicates that this song is just simply so bad ass that it doesn’t even need to observe the conventions of traditional grammar. And the misspelling tells of greatness as well.
You’ll notice that in both words, the “c” has been removed, clearly a sign that Ke$ha is symbolizing that the common people of modern society can’t see (c) and are blind to the oppression from above. It’s also worth noting that “Tik Tok” is also the name of a character from L. Frank Baum’s “Book of Oz” series. This character happened to be the first robot to appear in modern literature, making it obvious that the title is a metaphor to how groundbreaking and original this piece of music is. After all, a light, unsophisticated and undeniably irritating song about partying that calls out a random DJ is a rarity in this day and age.
Similarly, Ke$ha’s one name speaks of brilliance and unbridled sophistication. Here, Ke$ha displays her uniqueness and rebel-without-a-care attitude through her unabashed use of the dollar sign instead of an s. After all, letters were so 2008. Don’t believe me? See how many artists used letters in their names just last year. Finally, someone had the courage to break that trend. And it’s not just any symbol – the dollar sign means so much to so many. For instance, many accuse record labels of being greedy and selfish, always ready to sacrifice the sanctity of art for the almighty dollar. Instead of hiding and denying that, Ke$ha proudly displays her allegiance to the almighty dollar front and center. The symbol says, “Hell yes, I’m going to milk this single for all it’s worth, perhaps to the point where I never need to produce music again.” In your face, America.
Of course, then we have the actual song itself. This is where the brilliance gets so intense you may need to take a moment to collect yourself after hearing it. The song opens with Ke$ha proclaiming that she wakes up in the morning “feeling like P Diddy.” Obviously, this is something to which everyone can relate – who wasn’t waken up in the morning and felt like an extremely wealthy musician, producer, actor, fashion designer, dancer and entrepreneur? Ke$ha also adds to her BAMF credibility by vowing to brush her teeth with a bottle of Jack, because once she leaves for the night, she “ain’t” (In your face, high school English department!) coming back. If only that were true.
Listeners are then treated to Ke$ha rolling down the to-do list of her and her friends – pedicures on their toes (toes), trying on all of their clothes (clothes), and getting boys to ‘blow up’ their phones (phones). Thankfully, Ke$ha repeats the last syllable of each line, because Lord knows my attention span isn’t long enough to understand if I only hear something once. But the lyrical delights aren’t the only great part of this one – Ke$ha drops the verse in a breathless, nasal voice, which makes me think this girl should be brushing her teeth with chicken soup instead of Jack Daniels.
But next – pure musical ecstasy. A veritable Mount Olympus of sound waves emerges when the song hits its chorus. Here you’ll find the handful of lines that will inevitably lodge themselves in your mind for eternity – or at least it will seem like an eternity. Trust me. Ke$ha makes an apparently necessary appeal to DJs everywhere – “don’t stop, make it pop.” Good thing someone finally made this request, because it’s obvious that most DJs never play any music or anything. Not as though it’s their job, you know, to keep the music going. And just when you thought the chorus couldn’t get better, Ke$ha repeats it. That makes sense, because the problem with most songs is that you don’t get to hear the chorus enough times. In fact, you’ll hear this song so many times that you may think it’s all chorus. Awesome.
The next verse involves Ke$ha performing an incredible act of selflessness, identifying with the plight of the homeless alcoholic. She “sings” (I’m not sure what to make of her vocal style, to be honest):
Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I’m already here
Clearly, this was an attempt to sympathize with the many Americans put out of work by the recent recession. When you’re down in the dumps, unemployment is reaching 10 percent, and CEOs are floating by on golden parachutes, is there really anything more important than having plenty of beer? I didn’t think so. But even in these tough times, it’s important to have standards; Ke$ha notes that possible suitors will be kicked to the curb unless they “look like Mick Jagger.” Understandable. Deep down, every young girl is after a man with a face like an old catcher’s mitt.
Ke$ha later makes massive strides for feminists, vowing to smack boys that get too drunk, despite encouraging them to touch her “junk.” I’m not sure why, exactly, Ke$ha owns an ancient Chinese sailboat, but I guess that’s besides the point – just don’t touch it. Er, do touch it, but prepare to get smacked. Either way, you don’t have to think about it too long, because the song then launches back into full-on chorus mode. But if it doesn’t seem like enough, don’t worry…the song will linger in your mind for years to come. Unless, of course, you actually start brushing your teeth with Jack and investing in Colt 45 instead of a 401k to escape the pain. I’ll be right back, I have to speak with my broker.
If you’d like to hear more of this greatness for yourself, pick up a digital download of Ke$ha’s Animal right here.